I was stuck in this life of single mom land where I was working SO much and SO hard and there was no real quality of life with my kids or for myself just as an individual. It was 15yrs of a full time day job and then 1-2 part time jobs at restaurants.
At the beginning of the pandemic, I was offered the chance to take a lower paying job but do something that was a PASSION of mine, that I knew would bring me joy every day. I was like well we are all in a state of chaos so if there was ever a time to change my life, it’s now! And man, it was amazing decision number one! I am still here actually and LOVE every minute of it almost 3 years later. I even decided to quit the restaurant job I was working to see what it was like to work just 40hrs a week. I finally had a supportive partner in my life that was more than on board with me making this decision!
Six months into the new job my hours were temporarily cut in half, and I found myself working 25hrs for the first time since I was in high school. I had a small panic moment about how I was going to pay my bills over the next few months, and it was just before Christmas none the less!!
I was offered the chance to go back to the restaurant I had just quit a couple months prior, to make some extra cash until my hours were full time again. It was in that moment that I had to make the decision, am I going to stay here? And what does that look like? It looks like another 2nd job at a restaurant and now I’m back in that cycle I worked so hard to get out of, the cycle I thought I was done with. Or am I going to figure it out and invest in me for once?
Even though I had no savings and my new job just cut my hours in half… I said OK what can I do because I do NOT want to get stuck back in that cycle. I refuse. This is my time finally. It’s like I had been waiting for someone to give me permission to let it all go and take the reins for a new way of life. I realized in that moment I was the one I had to get permission from, I was the one stopping me. I just had to do it. Even if meant starting with nothing, it was ok to shut my eyes and jump because the one thing I did know and learn through all the struggling I had been doing over the last 15 years, was that I was always able to figure it out. I was resilient as hell and determined as fuck, so good luck stopping me. Every step of the way so far, quitting hasn’t been an option, have I maybe asked myself a time or two if I should quit, yes, but it always ended up very quickly being a nope. I am in this and want this so much!
No matter how hard this new journey has been it’s like I know deep in my gut it’s the one I’m meant for. I could’ve easily packed it all up and went back to two jobs so many times… what I knew and was comfortable knowing… but I’ve tasted freedom and control of my own life and I can’t ever go back to how it used to be.
I am so grateful for choosing me and will continue to choose me going forward. I am a better mother, friend, sister, daughter, partner; all because I choose me each and everyday.
I am also so grateful for the support this amazing city has given to my dream! The people I have met and supported, worked with, had coffee with, cocktails with, collaborated with.... y'all are WHY I do what I do! I am so stoked I get to bring y'all so many fun, creative, unique experiences and I can't wait to see what is coming!
]]>Man did that hit me hard. As I have posted on Instagram, I will be moving out of my current studio and SOON to try and figure out a bigger space and the direction I would like to take Wax and Wane. I am so proud of what I have been able to do in such a little amount of time but sometimes I do ask myself if the things I have sacrificed these last almost two years have made sense.
Sometimes I feel out of alignment with not only myself but my family. Even though I haven’t found a bigger space for the studio to move into yet, I am so excited to move forward. I am taking this summer to spend time with myself and with my family and friends. I have spent the last 2 years living for the business and making sure it has been growing in the direction I would like, and it has. But sometimes I feel it comes with a big cost, my time.
I feel like I have missed out on a lot of time with my kids, just dinners alone! We have barely sat down to a home cooked meal in two years. Occasionally I will make something, but I can count on one hand the number of times that has been since opening Wax and Wane. I can’t wait to work from home again for a bit and to be mobile with classes! I am looking forward to walks with my family at night with our new puppy Opal, hanging with my friends with some Prosecco and great music on someone’s porch, and just knowing I am ready to stop this hustle and grind mentality. I am ready for more balance with myself and my family. I do not want to miss out on anymore of the important things, the small things, the things that when I look back over the years; I giggle and just smile ear to ear from.
I am so looking forward to a season of learning and growing my business in a way that allows me to breathe and not feel the crunch of hustle culture. I want to continue to love my business and not burn out, so I am taking the necessary steps to do so. I hope to see you along the way, maybe it’s at class somewhere throughout Buffalo, maybe it’s group or 1:1 help with starting and/or growing a small business, or it’s just because we see each other out and buy each other a round! Either way, this will be my first summer in a couple of years that I can move a little slower and breathe a little easier! Hopefully come fall I will have news on a new studio space!
Follow along as I share with you all the fun stuff I will be geeking out on when it comes to business, life and art! See ya on the flip side!
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When I posted this series, it was because adults kept asking when I was going to do an adult version of the kid's entrepreneurial art camp and I was like ok yea let’s finally do it! A week after posting it a light bulb went off in my head and I was like “oh man, these are adults, they can get a lot more concepts from this than kids can!” I also went “oh f*ck, I’m gonna screw this up.”
So, I set out to build a really rad curriculum and am so stoked to see it unfold. When I say I was trying to talk myself out of it an hour before everyone started showing up, I mean I was shitting my pants and telling myself I was going to make such an ass of myself and lost count of the number of times I asked myself, "who am I to be teaching other people about starting a small creative business??"
But then I thought about the first session happening that night and the topics on my curriculum- imposter syndrome, fear and knowing your why. If this wasn’t the universe testing this broad…. So I asked myself- “who am I to be teaching other people about starting a small creative business?”
My answers…..I was able to tell myself all the amazing lessons I had learned over the last few years. I told myself about all the growth and amazing changes I have made in my life and what a privilege it is to be where I am right now, in this moment to be teaching others those experiences and lessons. I told myself that I have dedicated two decades of my life to learning as much as I can about leadership, empowerment, advocacy, knowing your why, and so much more! I told myself about all the hardship I have faced and even when I thought there was no way around it, I figured it out and didn’t let it defeat me. I told myself about my love for watching others find their why, find their voice, see the light bulbs go off over their heads when they realize their worth and go for whatever it is they want! I told myself about all the amazing people who have come into my life because of this wonderful community we have here and that I am so lucky to have such incredibly talented, compassionate, supportive people around me. I told myself that I am the perfect person to be doing this.
So, yes, I am still terrified of screwing this up. But I also know that doing things scared and imperfectly is the best way to grow, to build confidence, and to tell those negative, limiting beliefs to go f*ck themselves when they creep into my head!
Hopefully you stick around to see the progress we make with this series as I am so excited to see what unfolds!!!!
]]>What is imposter syndrome?
Simply put, it’s the belief that we are undeserving of our achievements and the recognition that comes with it. We feel we aren’t smart enough, competent enough as others think we are and eventually they’ll see who we really are, and be disappointed. It can keep us from growth and moving forward in our personal and professional lives.
I want to be as fearless as the children I work with and I'm going to dedicate each and every day to doing just that. I'm going to choose one small action that will make it easier and easier for me to not think twice, to be unapologetic AF, and to show up 100% as who I am because I love who I am. And it’s taken a lot of internal work to even say that, let alone believe it.
I love empowering these young creatives to see just how valuable they are, to see that their voice matters, to see that what they create has purpose and brings joy to others. I can't wait to see what else I can do with this program and how far I can push into this world of empowerment. If we start young hopefully, we can instill confidence over long periods of time. Confidence that will never go away and we will watch these kids flourish, watch them expand and believe in themselves in ways that some of us never got to do or maybe some of us just forgot what it was like.
I was listening to my morning podcast, and the speaker had posed the question, “what would your 13-year-old self be upset that you didn't end up doing as an adult?” That really got me thinking about how I had lost my voice, how I was so sure of myself back then and as time went on, all of the hardships, all of the trauma, all of the things that I had come up against… the people I had come up against… I allowed those situations and some of those people too make me scared to use my voice. I've worked really hard over the last few years to get it back and I'm just really happy to be able to help support others in finding their voice, knowing their worth; especially if it's from such a young age.
]]>The biggest news from this month is that I have announced that the studio needs a bigger physical space. Exciting, yes, scary, yes! I am in this current studio until the end of August and will continue to bring y'all the best classes I can. I am sad to leave but so proud of what I have created over the last year and a half! I am not closing up shop so to speak just expanding and growing and if for some reason I still haven't found my perfect new studio space by the time the lease is up, I have been offered quite a few other locations to work from until I do! So, we will still be movin and shakin things up in the creative world, don't you worry!
I wouldn't even be in this position if it wasn't for the amazing community supporting all that I do, I can't thank everyone enough! I have learned so much, experienced so much, met so many rad new people from all walks of life, and am so stoked to keep moving forward. Well, heres to a rad spring and summer! Keep those peepers peeled for all the fun experiences coming your way!
]]>Let’s start with being a mother, which I never thought I would be. It was a choice I made in my teenage years. I was never the little girl that dreamed of her wedding day, the person she would marry, or about the kids she wanted to have. I just knew deep down for as long as I could remember it wasn’t the path for me. It wasn’t until I was a year out from graduating from my undergrad when I found out that I was pregnant. At that point in my life, I had lived quite the fun, wild, and unique lifestyle. I was happy to say I had experienced a lot and as much as I knew I wasn’t done living; a child would only add to that life. It took me a week of long debates with myself and the what ifs and can I’s, to come to the decision that I was ready to be a mom. Who knew?! It was just my next chapter and even though I may not have been truly ready, I thought back then I was.
So, I had my first son. Looking back, obviously I would have done a lot of things differently, but I have learned over the years to give myself grace and to know that I did and am doing the best I can with what I have. I love both my boys with everything I have inside of me, and I wouldn’t change their presence in my life for anything. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been fun and full of love. It’s the most important job I have ever had in my life.
I am a Creative Arts Facilitator. What is that you ask? Well, it’s a fun way of saying I went to school for art therapy, psychology, art education, and dance and don’t have my license to call myself an art therapist! I do not assess or treat anyone in any clinical manner, but I do, however, show people how art can help them find who they are, show them they have a voice, and just have a ton of fun creating! I work with people's treatment teams if they request, I become a part of theirs, these are teams of support people like psychologists, doctors, family members, friends, job coaches, day program staff, residential staff, advocates, etc. I have worked with all kinds of people, from all walks of life, but the majority of the people I support are adults with developmental disabilities and physical differences. Owning my own arts studio, people ask me all the time when I am quitting my day job but why would I?? I get to do art all day every day and help support people to find their voice using art! It’s the best day job I could possibly ask for on top of owning my own arts studio.
From what I hear, I am mostly referred to as the girl with the bangs, tattoos, and big glasses! I love a great glass of prosecco and I will never get sick of pizza, burgers, burritos, and all the cheese. Fight me.
I’ve gone through a lot. A lot of which was because I didn’t know how to love myself and I put myself in situations that were just straight up abusive and terrible. I do not play victim to that as I have learned to know my worth, to use my voice not just for others around me, but for myself. I am learning that I can say “no” and it’s ok. I can advocate for who I am and what I need, and it is not selfish. It is not my job to fix others. Even though I still sometimes find myself sliding down that rabbit hole, I am quick to become aware of it now and pull myself out. I still want others to know I am there for them but not at the detriment of my own well-being.
I am a Taurus through and through. I am an artist who has struggled to call themselves that for so long. I may not create a lot of my own art now a days, but I feel as though the experiences I create for others to find and work in their creativity is an art in itself. I am a curator of fun, creative, unique experiences and I am more than ok with that. It is where I find my joy.
I grew up in a household where music was everything. We were exposed to so many incredible artists and I will always love my parents for that. I am a 90’s grunge broad through and through but love SO many other kinds of music and musical artists; jazz being a really close runner up to grunge. I love 80’s and 90’s movies just as much!
I am Mrs. Clause and will fight anyone who tells me Nov 1st is too early to start playing Christmas music and to decorate. I will also be leaving my decorations and tree up until late February. If I am feeling really bad and need to cheer up, I will play Christmas music, even if it is July.
]]>I was in the middle of a group art session, but I felt like in that moment I needed to give a response. She seemed sad and like she was just searching for an answer, even if it was just a simple one; to give her some kind of direction or hope. I’ve lost count of the number of times I have felt like “can someone please just give me the secrets to how this becomes easier? How can I be the best mom I can be while being single, on my own, working 2-3 jobs, and trying to hold it all together?” So, I gave her my quick snapshot, honest answer in that moment but have been thinking about that question since yesterday. How could I have supported her better? How could I be of more service to her?
To be honest, at first, I was shocked she was asking me of all people. This woman has a huge network of support and people she knows. I am sure she had reached out to a lot of them, but I was still shocked she even thought to reach out to me. Then I thought to myself “NO, she has been following you for over a decade, you have been a single mom off and on for 14yrs. You have pulled yourself up time and time again, shown up on the hardest days for your kids, struggled with the gripping fear of how was I going to pay that next bill, and could it be in full this time? Am I being present enough even though all I want to do is take a nap, am I showing enough love, am I showing enough empathy, compassion, patience? Why did I just lose my cool like that? What’s wrong with me? Why would I yell like that, about that? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just figure out how to get it together and buy a house, allow a good man into our lives, why can’t I find a good paying job? What’s wrong with me? Why did I just push him away like that when all he wanted was to cuddle with me, but I am so exhausted and have so much work to do and so little time to do it. What’s wrong with me?” Hell, I am the perfect person to be asking that. I have been in the trenches of single momdom for so long and it hasn’t been perfect, but I have made it work. I have shown up for my kids, loved them with everything I have inside of me, created the best memories I can and the memories that have tears and sadness, I know I at least tried to talk them through those tough feels, even if mom was the one that caused them.
Being a mother is one of the toughest jobs a woman can have. There is no manual to follow, there is so much to navigate and figure out on the fly. I feel like it is a lot of following our guts and being brave enough to know we are doing what is best for our kids, even if someone is telling you otherwise.
In no way am I here to play victim. I have always tried to take accountability the best I can since becoming a mother when it comes to my words, actions, and decisions. I have learned so much and grown even more. I have made so many mistakes. When I became a mother none of my friends were anywhere near ready to have children. It wasn’t until my oldest was 6 that my friend group started having their firsts. It was understandable that I didn’t feel as though I had anyone to look up to, to go to for advice, to help me out of those moments of despair and loneliness, sadness, feeling so lost. I loved my friends, don’t get me wrong, but we were in two different worlds at that point.
I don’t like to say I wish this or wish that or should’ve known or done that. How could I have known or should have known in those moments? I am content at this point with how my life has turned out and with who I am now and where I am going. What I do want to do is tell all the mothers out there this.
You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are the world to your child. You are their everything. For as much as you give them patience, compassion, and grace; do the same for yourself. You are human. You are filled with emotions. You will make mistakes and you will learn from them. You will have moments of crying as quietly as you can in the bathroom after bedtime, but you will also have moments of so much joy and fulfillment. You are a phenomenal mother. You know what is best for your child and family. You are brave. You are stronger than you think you are. You are more resilient than you know. You are beautiful. Your body, no matter the shape or size, made these little creatures that only see your beautiful smile and love to hear your laugh, your terrible singing voice, and all the funny voices you make when cooking and trying to entertain them at the same time.
Our kids see and hear everything. They see how we handle those moments of frustration and anger to the moments filled with excitement, happiness, and joy. We will screw up so much. What I have learned is that we have to show them how we come back from those screw ups. We have to take accountability, have tough conversations, allow for them to feel safe to say the hard things for them to say and meet them with compassion and acknowledgment when they say it instead of allowing our guilt and shame to overshadow that and to shame them. They are not here to make us feel better about our crappy choices. They are here to show us we can be better, that we need to do better.
If you can lead with love, empathy, and accountability in your home, I feel like you’ll be ok. I have also learned talking to a therapist is everything. Having that place that is designated for self-reflection, work, and hard truths/conversations with an objective person who isn’t involved in your life…. it’s freeing.
So, to the woman who asked me how I do it, I do it flawed. I do it scared as hell. I do it with self-compassion. I do it with lots of grace given to myself. I do it from a place of love, strength, and knowing that I possess everything I need to be the best mother I can be, I just need to work on bringing it out of me. I do it when I don’t want to. I do it when I am beyond exhausted. I do it when we are having the time of our lives. I do it because I love them with everything inside of me even when what may be inside me at that moment is anger and resentment for my own choices. I do it because I chose to be their mother and that is the most important job I will ever have.
]]>I miss her sometimes. I miss those moments of being so excited for being able to choose my own adventure. But then I remember that I am in a season of life again where that is possible, so I don’t get too nostalgic. I had a pretty wild ride over these last couple of decades and wouldn’t change a lot about it because it led me to some of the most incredible friendships and experiences that I may never have experienced if I was too busy trying to have a plan and stick to it. But on the flip side of that… I wish I had known that knowing my worth was everything and the key to not only taking charge of my life but keeping charge of it. There have definitely been times in my life where I was giving way too much of myself and wandering around lost. I could sit here and be bummed and say I ended up wasting precious time on the wrong people, the wrong experiences, but that wouldn’t change anything. That was my path and choices I made for the time, and I have to accept them and know that yes, I may be just about 40 and feeling like I am finally hitting my stride but I’m hitting it. I am so stoked for where I am, where I am going and so thankful for all the people, I have met along the way who have been so supportive, fun, freeing, strong, passionate, creative, and so much more. I am thankful for the people who have drained me, pained me, taken too much of me because it all has taught me something I needed to learn to grow and keep going.
I am so stoked for this new adventure and being able to have a great community of people around me to be inspired by, learn from, to teach and share my experiences and knowledge, and to just have a ton of fun with. I can’t wait to see where all this is going with Wax and Wane- life in general haha and actually trying to get some semblance of a plan or structure to keep me on a path that will allow me to have the freedom I love so much but also have the security I need now a days. I have hired two really amazing teaching assistants and if all goes according to plan, I maybe hiring a couple more soon! Keep your peepers peeled for some really great things happening soon at the studio and elsewhere!!
You can follow my 90’s Nostalgia play list on Spotify if that’s your kind of thing!
]]>I co-hosted my first mini retreat and a fall artisans market with 2 pretty amazing women, at a pretty amazing property! Duende at Silo City is one of my fav spots here in Buffalo hands down and it did NOT disappoint come the day of our events! We had a morning filled with meditation, breath work, mindset workshops, yoga, art, and intuitive readings. It was pretty fun to say the least. One of my favorite parts was the 8ft table just filled with charcuterie and snacks and the bubbly bar. My heart AND stomach were very at peace when the retreat ended.
Then later that day we hosted a 30 vendor fall market on the property and it was filled so much creativity, community, and fun; my heart almost exploded! I get so recharged when I am surrounded by so many creative people just doing what they do best. I can’t wait to bring y’all more of these experiences. Please keep your peepers peeled for more events through Foxfire, as I am not slowing that train down any time soon! You can check out Foxfire on Instagram for now at @foxfire_festival so you can see when we will be hosting more retreats and events.
Speaking of retreats…. I am headed down to Florida at the end of January to do a little self-care and education for myself and the studio. I am so looking forward to learning as much as I can so I can continue to grow and try to serve y’all as best I can. I will keep you posted on the happenings of that trip when it comes around as it will most likely involve pictures of incredible cocktails and lounging when not working haha.
And my God, can we talk about the holidays almost being here!!? We will be slowing down on classes and workshops through the holidays as we have a few holiday markets coming up that are going to take some time to prepare for. We have a couple workshops still coming up, just not as many as usual in our colder months. The holiday season is my favorite time of year and with alllll the busyness that is in my life, I always make sure to slow it down just a tad, so it doesn’t pass me by in the blink of an eye like every other season. We hope you’ll come see us along with many other Queen City creatives throughout the next month and a half at a ton of fun venues; indoor and outdoor! You definitely won’t be disappointed. Come the new year we will be hitting the ground running with more creative experiences at the shop, don’t worry! We will keep you busy all winter long!
We have so many fun things coming at ya starting in the new year and we couldn’t be more stoked! But for now, you’ll just have to wait and see! The winter session for the kid’s entrepreneurial art camp is up and running. It starts January 7th! Just tap the link at the top of this page to snag your spots! We have morning and afternoon sessions available, but morning is almost full, so if you’re thinking about it, now may be the time to snag your young artist’s spot!
Well, that’s all for now. I am currently sitting on the couch with a kidney infection, trying to take advantage of being off my feet, so here I am doing all my admin and computer things I have been avoiding this last month. Don’t be shy, please come say hi at The Charcoal Annex table at the markets listed on the website! Cant wait to see y’all!
]]>Facebook told me today that it’s been exactly one year since the doors to Nickel City Wax and Wane have opened. I didn’t even realize. I’m not sure how to feel about that hahaha. I’ve been so busy, juggling so many things because a year ago I had no idea what I was truly getting myself into! I’ve been so busy that I almost missed a milestone like the doors to the studio opening to the public for the first time. 🤦🏻♀️
For those of you who’ve been here from the start, you know it looked a lot different back then from where we are now. After all the ups and downs this summer, I’ve been taking time to reflect on then to now and well I’m so damn stoked to be here still. It’s been an incredible ride, one filled with highs, lows, meeting and connecting with so many rad people, learning just how damn resilient I am, committed, passionate and human I am. I’ve made a lot of mistakes but thankfully I keep on trying to learn from them and have only come out better for it! It also helps to be surrounded by some of the most amazing people!
When I think back to the very beginning and walking through those doors for the first time to see the space, I felt like I was home. I felt such a burst of energy, a sense of calm, a sense of familiarity. From the moment I started designing the space I only kept saying I want Wax and Wane to be an experience. I want people to walk through the studio doors and feel at home, to feel a sense of wonder and whimsy, a sense of wanting to be creative, a sense of wanting to connect, to feel comfortable to be who they are. I wanted Wax and Wane to be a place where all were welcome; all ages, all abilities, all walks of life. I wanted a community to be built where we learned from one another, we supported one another, or sometimes we just fucked off and drank and laughed all night long, or cried and vented! When we made mistakes we saw them through and came out on the other side, stronger, smarter, better, more committed, and more passionate.
And when I look at where we were a year ago to where we are now… I know deep down in my heart that I am 1000% on the right path. I may not know what that path holds for me, may not know exactly where I’m going right now. But I know who I am. I know who I want to keep growing into. I know where I would like to take this and I’m so excited to see what the next year brings… the next five years… the next 10 years. I feel extremely lucky to be where I am, it’s not easy at all but it’s everything I want and more. I love sharing my passion with the people around me. I love seeing other peoples passion. I love helping people find their creativity. I love watching people help each other with their creativity, and pushing each other outside of our comfortable boundaries.
Where Wax and Wane is today, one year after we opened the doors, is far beyond what I had ever hoped and I hope to keep on sharing this with all of you. So I ask, please don’t stop coming. It has been what’s recharged me. It’s been what has pushed me to be and to do better for the people I want to serve around me. Please know that there’s always a space at one of my tables, no matter how dirty they may be, for you. I can’t wait to keep growing and building with y’all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of you who have supported me this year and before! I wouldn’t have been able to do it without everyone’s support!! Y’all have been incredible!!! This has been one of the hardest but best years of my life in so many ways!!
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Wax and Wane has had quite the journey in its first year here in the Queen City but I feel like with all the learning about who we are over this last year, we are finally hitting our stride and seeing that art has our heart!
I hope y'all follow along and stop on in as we continue to bring this wonderful community some really rad creative experiences for all ages and abilities!
I'll be trying to post on a regular basis here, so everyone has essential updates, fun art tips and tricks, class/workshop/event dates, at home projects and more!
That's all for now kiddos, smell ya later!
]]>*photo credit: daniel collins*